The Merry Christmas Dummies

[Prescript: I could have phrased the title of this post a bit better. Hopefully this correction goes through the aggregators.]

Here’s wishing a Merry Christmas to all my readers and may Christ guide you all to warm homes full of welcoming family! I’ve been saving a very special article that will fill you with holiday cheer and give you hope for a brighter future. Seeing as it’s apparently impossible to tell a feminist No…

Group Calls for Car Crash Dummy Equity, Claims Male Body too Favored

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By Paul Bois, 17 December 2021

Death wish or cry for help? Discuss.

An advocacy group has written a letter to Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg calling for greater equity in car crash dummy tests, claiming that the male body has been far too favored, leading to needless deaths of women.

I once joked that there are four genders: male, female, freak and robot. It appears that somebody took me seriously and robots are now being gender-discriminated against for not being female.

You freaks!

The letter from Vehicle Equity Rules in Transportation (VERITY NOW), co-chaired by former Republican Congresswoman Susan Molinary, claimed that vehicle crash tests have not adequately taken into account of the harmful effects that collisions have on female bodies.

What? Funbags don’t double as airbags? Somebody should pay me to study this!

The letter stated: “Government standards for vehicle crash testing are outdated and unequal, causing thousands of women to be needlessly killed and injured every year. This deadly gender bias in vehicle safety is unacceptable. It is time to stop studying this issue and fix it – now.

“Females are not just smaller versions of males. Due to differences in physiology and driver positioning, women’s and men’s bodies behave differently in a crash,” it continued.

Differences in temporal relativity, not physiology. Male drivers observe female bodies bouncing before the collision happens. Then he drives into something and everything else starts bouncing.

The letter further argued that women have a greater chance of suffering whiplash in a car crash “relative to males of the same age” and that women had a greater chance of dying from a neck injury. It further lamented how standard seatbelts do not accommodate [third-trimester] pregnant women…

Maybe preggos should stop driving for a couple months when they’re swollen like an allergic beekeeper? Besides, I’ve seen those gigantic SUVs favored by impoverished single mothers. Inertia is totally on HER side.

According to Fox News, a spokesperson for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) insisted that the organization takes into account various body types when testing for safety and provided a breakdown of the tests using female body types.

“Safety is central to NHTSA’s mission and we are committed to improving safety for all road users. NHTSA does use a female crash test dummy in our compliance frontal testing program,” said a spokesperson for the NHTSA.


However, activists believe that female bodies should be tested more in the driver’s seat and the NHTSA promised to expand testing capabilities for a wider range of drivers.

Knowing their motivation is half the battle! “Down with Patriarchy!”

Admit it, female, you prefer to be a backseat driver! And NHTSA knows it!

“NHTSA is working to develop crash simulation and human body models to represent a wide range of occupant size, sex, and ages. These tools will be used to identify targets for future safety efforts,” the spokesman said.

Wymyn need either crash test dummies for 42 genders multiplied by nine months of pregnancy, or a slap upside the head. Or, THEY NEED TO VOLUNTEER FOR LIVE CRASH TESTING LIKE MEN ALREADY DO! EQUITY, BITCHES!

4 thoughts on “The Merry Christmas Dummies

  1. Praise Goddess we have traditional, conservative Congressperson Susan to solidify our traditional, conservative totalitarian New Woman Order.

    The Men of Breitbart can’t praise Susie enough! And they went ga-ga over Amy Coney Barrett, as they did over arch-feminist Brettie Kavanaugh. Like slaves begging for heavier chains.

    In the interests of Equity, yea holy and almighty Equity, I demand that women make up 100% of crash-test persons and dummies until Equity is achieved which, of course, means never.

    You are welcome.


  2. Just the gift I wanted for Christmas – another article illustrating the decline of Western Civilization. Ah, well, God has blessed me, praise His holy name!

    Merry Christmas to all!

    Liked by 1 person

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