You haven’t made it as a journalist until you’ve developed a private network of informants. I’m pleased to announce that I still haven’t sunk that low! These top-secret corporate documents were passed along to me purely for the lulz.
Hmm, I should use a pseudonym for this Too Big To Fail defense contracting telecom company…. what would be a good one?
We have a winner! It’s got electrolytes!
I present first the USA-national guidelines, followed by a special guideline addressing the people who live where SJWs fear to tread.
Brawndo Vaccine Q&A
US Specific Guidance
Welcome/Bienvenido/Bonjour valued employee of Economic District 5! We are happy to provide you with corporate guidance on government health guidances because of all the many, many things we demand of you, making responsible and informed life decisions for your own selfish benefit is never going to be one of them.
Your guidance today is presented in the form of a catechism. We’re trying out the Catholic model of cradle-to-grave loyalty to the Powers That Be, meaning us. And we wouldn’t say no to some graven images of CFO Wanda.
General Vaccine Access/Distribution
1) Q: What is Brawndo doing to monitor vaccine availability, access, and distribution?
A: Brawndo relies on a tiered system for responding to and assessing the pandemic landscape and the needs of our company community:
• The Brawndo Pandemic Committee is responsible for monitoring overall developments with vaccines (including access, distribution, feasibility, etc.) while assisting executive leadership to interpret relevant considerations for our company.
I gotta get me a job doing nothing… I mean, monitoring overall developments.
To make those assessments, the committee relies on its diverse group of experts ranging from operational, executive, and safety leaders to a public health toxicologist who works in Brawndo’s environmental services practice.
All the immunologists were booked to CNN and Telemundo.
The organizational guidance provided by the Pandemic Committee is scientific in nature and based on peer-reviewed research from leading medical authorities and the latest intelligence from local, state, national, and global health organizations.
For Regional Operations
• Silver Crisis Team: Employees will follow the guidance put in place by their Silver Teams – comprised of local leadership including their regional leader (RL), HR, and Risk Management teams.
“In the absence of Scientific Trustworthy Executives, all crisis command decisions will be made by Ditsy in HR and our insurance representative. Because we love you, headcount!”
2) Q: Will Brawndo provide paid time or any incentives for employees to receive a vaccine?
A: Brawndo will not compensate employees to get vaccines [except where required by law].
But we will add new hires to our new corporate office of compliance with the new government office of health mandates. To support this increase in dead weight, the departments of production and quality assurance will no longer be permitted bathroom breaks.
3) Q: What are Brawndo’s office and worksite policies for fully vaccinated, and for unvaccinated employees?
A: Brawndo guidance on COVID-19 protocols for fully vaccinated and unvaccinated employees is consistent with the CDC guidelines and is likely to evolve alongside federal guidance.
“We don’t know what to do! We’re scared to make decisions! We’re just the C-Suite of a heavily leveraged Fortune 500 company! Save us, golden parachute!”
State or local laws or governmental orders may modify these protocols and must be followed.
They’re just a mouthpiece for the government… unless, spoiler alert, the local government chooses freedom.
The FDA has created a graphic for overall understanding of the potential living/lifestyle changes for vaccinated members of communities. That resource is available here:
4) Q: How do I know if I am considered fully vaccinated? If I have one dose, or a two-dose vaccine, am I exempt from masking/distancing?
A: Individuals are considered fully vaccinated for COVID-19 two (2) weeks after they have received the second dose in a two-dose series (Pfizer-BioNTech or Moderna), or two (2) weeks after they have received a single-dose vaccine (Johnson & Johnson/Janssen). Unvaccinated refers to individuals of all ages, including children, that have not completed a vaccination series or received a single-dose vaccine.
Seriously, that’s not a real Q&A. That’s a catechism.
Information on the CDC’s guidance for fully vaccinated employees can be found here:
5) Q: Can I still mask/distance even if I am fully vaccinated to protect others who may not be vaccinated?
This piece of catechism comes up so often, I wonder if it’s actually true. Maybe I’m going maskless at the grocery because I was fully vaccinated for measles at age two while everybody still wearing face diapers actually did get the Pfishy jab but are too broken and insecure to take advantage of offered freedom.
A: Regardless of your status – you are well within your right to protect yourself or exercise flexibility with respect to working in the office, or on a worksite. If you are fully vaccinated and wish to wear your mask, you will be supported in that decision. If employees do not feel comfortable being in the office when masks are not mandated for fully vaccinated employees, we encourage them to speak to their supervisors to address concerns.
“You got jabbed because we promised you could live a normal life afterwards. And you can! until we find a stooge to complain that you’re living a normal life.”
6) Q: If Brawndo is not going to mandate vaccines, how do I know if it is safe to be around any of my coworkers when I return to work or a jobsite? Will there be a process to identify unvaccinated individuals?
A: Brawndo encourages all eligible employees to get vaccinated as soon as possible…
Why? Serious question. The vaxx is admitted to not be a vaccine. You still can transmit disease… still get sick… and I’ll be honest, I was taking the piss with that “we love you, headcount” comment.
From the corporate perspective, the vaxx can cause side effects but otherwise has no effect on attendance and job performance. If anything, you should want your employees to NOT gamble their health on something with no proven ability to help more than a placebo.
…However, we recognize that some employees may not be able to get vaccinated or will chose not to. Brawndo will not identify vaccinated or unvaccinated employees.
The boldfaced is the only time that Brawndo’s leadership admits that there’s a reason people might not already have gotten the jab other than the wait is too long.
Many of Brawndo’s COVID-19 health and safety protocols will remain in place for the protection of employees.
Is that because you didn’t think about cleanliness prior to the Plandemic or because… God help us… interrupting the additional janitorial funding would cost more than it would save?
7) Q: If I cannot get vaccinated (or have to wait to receive the vaccination) will my employment status be
A: No – employment status will not be impacted unless a vaccination is required by local authorities to perform job duties, in which case Silver Teams will provide guidance based on the circumstances of the individual.
No means yes!
7a) Q: If I refuse to get vaccinated because I religiously object to being injected with aborted baby tissue, will you respect my beliefs?
A: No – We’re now as Catholic as the pope so you should trust us to handle all your faith-based needs.
8) Q: Will Brawndo ask for proof of vaccination for office, site workers, or contractors? If so, where will that information be tracked? Who will have access to it?
A: Brawndo will not ask employees for proof of vaccination unless it is required to comply with state or local laws, or is required by clients for a legitimate business purpose.
There it is again. The idea that a powerful company like Brawndo can’t override a local government’s decrees. Hold that thought.
9) Q: Can Brawndo ask if an employee is fully vaccinated?
A: Vaccination status is a private matter, and all employees reserve the right not to disclose their vaccination status, even in casual conversation. However, Brawndo can ask an employee if they have been fully vaccinated if there is a legitimate business purpose (typically beyond Brawndo’s control) and if permitted by local laws.
“No, we can’t ask unless we can, and we won’t be liable either way. We’re helpless, baby… it’s just us against a cruel world. We gotta do what we gotta do to survive, which is why I pimp your bloodwork to Google Analytics. And why you better be okay with that.”
10) Q: What if a client or worksite requires Brawndo to provide proof of vaccination?
A: If a client requires proof of vaccination before Brawndo employees or contractors are allowed access to worksites, Silver Teams will evaluate each situation and specific requirements as they arise. It is common for Brawndo to comply with various site and client specific requests (e.g., preaccess drug testing).
So much for “we’ll tell those busybody bloodsuckers that our employees do not, never have and never will be superspreaders of a lethal disease, thanks for asking, signed a corporate management team that acknowledges the humanity of its employees.” Instead, it’s “we have precedent in the form of drug testing.” Itself a dehumanizing mandate.
You see the pattern here. Brawnco is perfectly okay with coercing vaccine apartheid upon its bipedal assets but it doesn’t want the responsibility of doing so. And well it shouldn’t.
11) Q: Will Brawndo limit access to work and project sites to only those staff who have been fully vaccinated?
Any answer except a hard ‘no’ is a ‘yes’.
A: Typically, we will not restrict access based on vaccination status, but in certain circumstances (typically beyond Brawndo’s control), Brawndo may limit access to work or project sites to fully vaccinated employees only.
That phrase again.
Sigh. The writing is on the wall. As soon as somebody else agrees to take responsibility, Brawndo will go hard vaxx apartheid.
It is NEVER beyond Brawndo’s control, to deny a customer’s request for vaxx-only workers. Smart companies will lose a client before they lose a good worker. The latter are hard to find and usually worth more than you pay them.
12) Q: Will I be permitted to travel for work if I do not get the vaccine?
A: Work travel will follow local health authority guidance and airline restrictions. If proof of vaccination is required, employees who are not fully vaccinated may be impacted.
As I said, this is a catechism. Here’s the stock question, here’s the correct answer. This is not interesting reading for a Q&A.
13) Q: What if I am subject to quarantine due to travel restrictions or being identified as a close contact of a COVID-19 positive case and I am fully vaccinated? Am I exempt from those quarantine requirements and travel restrictions?
A: If the local health authority mandates quarantine or isolation (i.e., due to travel, or contact with a COVID-19 positive case) employees will be subject to those rules… Brawndo will not provide exceptions that conflict with local government or health authority regulation.
Had this been a real question and not “What if I must obey the State? Then you must obey the State”, it would be a very valid question whether Brawndo intends to pay the costs of quarantine for the unvaxxed. Because you don’t reach Fortune 500 status by tolerating unauthorized expenditures incurred by your work units caring about themselves.
14) Q: If vaccination is required for work – and there is a charge to receive one – will I be reimbursed for
A: Most jurisdictions are providing vaccination without costs, but if that is not the case and a vaccine is specifically required for work purposes then please contact your regional Silver Team (led by your regional leader) who will evaluate each situation and specific requirements as they arise. It is important to check with your local health authority on vaccine access.
Yo, Craven Executive Officer, the cost of a quaccine is not just the dosage… it’s also the side effects. Maybe he thinks complications from unethical medical experiments is society’s fault, like crime.
15) Q: There are several vaccines available. What is the difference between the options?
“Because I really have been living in an underground bunker with no Internet for the last two years. Thanks for paying my salary regardless.”
Such is the current standoff regarding Vaccine Apartheid. Our public Fascists in government want it. Our private Fascists in business want it. But neither wants to be the first to tell those bitter loser Southerners clinging to their God and their Guns, that they are sub-human dissidents who need to not exist in polite society anymore.
And no wonder, because SOMEBODY FROM THE SOUTH PUT A GUN TO SCIENTIFIC EXECUTIVE’S BRAIN BUCKET AND DEMANDED ANSWERS!
US South Re-Entry & Vaccine Guidance Update Update Post-Meatspace Discussion Edition
Dated very recently.
Uh-oh! Cathechism class let out, then the Protest-ants of Texas and Florida heated up the REAL phone lines!
This is a [summary of responses to the indigenous wildlife of the Southern United States and is not authoritative anywhere else. Those Damn Confederates! Won’t take a hint even after you tear down their statues and ban their flag.]
Q: Is a positive antibody test the same as a vaccine with respect to our approach?
A: Based on current CDC guidance, no. If someone has had the virus and shows antibodied, they would still be considered unvaccinated until they have had the vaccine.
There it is, black and white. The vaxx is not about health. It’s not about avoiding COVID. It’s everything about tearing American society apart into winners and losers, with an invisible hand playing one side off the other until the last healthy, white and/or Christian man is dead.
I’m surprised they were this honest. Hence my conspiracy theory about projectile weapons and brain buckets. Damn Confederates be like that, all straight talking and straight shooting both.
Q: Can mask use requirement for unvaccinated staff be dropped based on local guidance?
A: No. For unvaccinated staff entering an office, social distancing, or masking when distancing cannot be attained, is required.
Remember that held thought, that Brawndo has no choice but to heed local government guidance? Turns out, they meant only FASCIST government guidance! They are perfectly willing and entrenched to defy local government should it disagree with that unwritten mandate that cows crave.
Let me also quote from way above:
“Brawndo will not identify vaccinated or unvaccinated employees.”
Which is it? Will the unvaxxed not be identified, or will they be forced to mask up in the far corner EVEN WHEN LOCAL GOVERNMENT PROHIBITS MASK MANDATES. Because that’s why the South is an issue re vaxx apartheid: states from Texas to Florida are not even trying to offer Brawndo the liability protection they crave before proceeding with their “yellow stars for dissidents” initiative.
Q: Will Brawndo ask for proof of vaccination status?
A: Unless client-requested…
Methinks that the greatest appeal of Fascism, at least the American iteration of it, is the absolution of responsibility. The buck doesn’t stop with anybody. All it takes to “force” Brawndo to demand vaxx status on pain of termination is one single person from either the UN/WHO, CDC, NIH, Federal government, State government, local government, today’s especially picky client or the neighbor next door, to demand it. But they won’t do it themselves, oh no, they respect your privacy. Until the first butthurt homo shows up.
This has been a pattern for a couple decades at least. We’ve all seen examples in the news in which companies surrender unconditionally to a couple feminists with hurt feelings at the expense of millions of paying customers. It is puzzling. I am not sure how that even works, how appeasing one loudmouthed freak is better than continued existence. Original Sin writ large, perhaps?
And how does that manage to be a guided process? It really is like watching a school of fish pivot with the briefest of hidden cues.
I have a theory, that this is the religion of mediocrity… what the likes of Jordan Peterson preach, and why their teachings are so popular. You’re just smart enough to function but so severely insecure that you got no ability to resist peer pressure at all. You function in your cubicle, you keep your room clean and take your pills and pet the neighbor’s cat, but the gentlest sneer from a Chosen One will shift your direction as effortlessly as if you had no past, no future and no will of your own. You lied to yourself until the truth means nothing.
For the QED to that, these next two Q&As must be read together for full effect:
Q: Concern over stigmatizing based on vaccine status.
A: It is important to our culture that this doesn’t occur. Vaccination and mask-wearing are a personal choice and will be respected accordingly.
Q: Can unvaccinated staff eat in break rooms if socially distanced?
A: No. Unvaccinated staff can use the breakroom to access refrigerator, microwave, etc. But to sit and eat inside of the breakroom [with the Beautiful People], vaccination is required.
Truth means nothing to these people. Outside of the southern US, Brawndo smiles and shrugs and “but the government says we have to. But it’s a client request. We have no choice.” But in the Bible ‘we don’t do that mandate shit yet feel fine’ Belt, Brawndo is “you are a second-class citizen no matter what the government says. No matter what the client says. You are not of the Beautiful People. We can’t duck this issue anymore so back of the bus, you dissidents.”
Read these next two together, also.
Q: Will staff need to wear something i.e. a badge to indicate vaxx status?
Q: Is vaccination status considered during office layout?
A: No. It is assumed that the unvaccinated will distance/mask per guidelines.
“We don’t require you to wear a mask unless you want to talk to a Beautiful Person. Which you’d only do in the first place because your job requires it.”
Q: Avenues for staff to communicate that they are experiencing discrimination due to vaccine status?
Ooh, a money shot!
A: Brawndo is committed to creating and maintaining a working environment free from harassment or discrimination…
These corp-rats have souls but it’s hard to regard them as human. When their PC catechism gives them the correct answer, they repeat it mindlessly. When asked to make a decision, they pass the buck. And when they find themselves in a Heritage American environment with nowhere to hide, the mask slips and they reveal themselves as Children Of the Lie.
They may be in positions of power but they don’t act like men of power. They act like Sorcerer’s Apprentices who have rebelled against their master, seized control of forces they don’t understand and lash out with no purpose except to prove themselves powerful.
You must refuse the vaxx! Even if you believe the vaxx is not harmful, this is your chance to make a difference! The reason the Elites are still being wishy-washy like this is because they don’t yet have enough Vaxxed to risk the imposition of Apartheid. They have (somewhat arbitrarily) put this figure at 70%. If they reach that goal then they will kick the rest of us out of own own society and preferably into “isolation camps”.
If they don’t then the current situation will endure: the situation of neither private nor public Fascism being willing to risk a pull on the trigger of declaring dissidents to be…. less than human.