Caroling 2020

FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION! because I was a lazy git this winter and almost forgot.

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells, Biden smells
Little kids all day.
BLM burned down our towns
Then Kyle saved the day!

Jingle Bells, Chinaballs,
It’s Year Two-Uh-Oh.
Murder hornets, Soros plants,
Is that all you can do?

Face masks are a thing,
a new cottage industry,
giving our Karens
a way to keep busy.

Do not say hi to friends,
Shake not the stranger’s hand,
Be careful when you sing along,
because you’ll give offence!

Oh, Jingle Bells…

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

Once upon a riot near,
Antifa broke though the lines.
They firebombed a courthouse dear,
Now I can’t pay traffic fines.

They attack the cops and get shot in the balls.
They do not seem smart at all.
Then they protested on roads.
I did not avoid them all.

They say they’re black but look quite white,
Angry with highway dissent.
Then they went down and I got caught.
And my fender got bent.

Next morning, I went off to court
to try to set it all right.
Through CHAZ and CHOP and Red House fort,
O what a frightful sight!

The Socialists were out of food!
‘Twere equal in misery.
Me being a cruel, bourgeois pig,
Enjoyed my lemon pastry.

Lo, the cops had already fled…
Abandoned their homes and their work.
The looters burned all that they could,
including my paperwork.

I’m free again to drive my car
Thanks to their violent time.
Watch out, young man, for Subarus!
One of them will be mine.


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