Lance Armstrong Cheats Even On His Protests

Do you remember Lance Armstrong, the guy who beat the Tour de France the way he beat cancer? Using drugs then losing his mojo? A refresher:

He now manages a bicycle shop in disgraced retirement (in addition to partly owning… Uber?). The shop did pretty well, too, even landed a six-digit contract for maintaining the Austin PD Bike Patrol’s equipment. Until he saw a chance to Get Woke.

Lance Armstrong’s Bike Shop Cancels Police Contract, Still Expect Cops to Protect from Threats

Last week, the Austin, Texas, bicycle shop founded by cycling star Lance Armstrong announced it was ending its contract with the Austin Police Department. However, since that announcement, the shop made it clear they still expect the police to protect them.

As shameless hypocrisy goes, I’ve seen better. Here’s the gold prize for “Canceling Muh Saviors”:


Report: LA Councilman Who Voted to Cut Police Funding Called Cops to Home 8 Times Since April

A Los Angeles councilman who voted to cut the city’s police budget by $150 million allegedly called police to his home several times since April.

Fox 11 reporter Bill Melugin tweeted a link Friday to a public information records request that reportedly showed Councilman Mike Bonin “called LAPD to his home 8 times since 4/4/20, including to provide extra patrols and protection from peaceful protesters at his house”…

I never said that Antifa is ALL bad. Check the linked article to read the whiny fag deny this then move the goalposts once presented with evidence.

The People’s Budget LA proposal was developed by a coalition of organizations led by Black Lives Matter’s Los Angeles chapter, and it seeks to have the LAPD’s proposed budget cut by 90%, with the funds allocated to social services, such as mental health and housing. LAPD’s proposed operating budget for the next fiscal year is about $1.86 billion.

“I think we owe it to Los Angeles to come up with a better and a smarter way of doing public safety and emergency response, and I think this motion is the first step in doing that,” Bonin said at the time.

This looks like self-defeating hypocrisy but 1. Bonin is a flaming homosexual and 2. police are the people who go after child molesters.

End segue

Wednesday, the Austin-based store announced that it was canceling its five-year contract with the Austin Police Department, worth nearly $350,000, and would not be renewing it, the Star-Telegram reported.

But even as the shop canceled its association with the police, it insisted that the police should continue to protect them from threats.

“We are not anti-police,” they exclaimed after saying the police are on the “wrong side of history.”

Spicy! Let’s go to the source.

htt ps://

Dear Austin,

When in the course of human events…

In the context of the current evaluation of community policing in Austin, we have decided to no longer purchase, re-sell, and service police-issue bikes and accessories under a City of Austin RFP the shop was previously awarded.

Worth $350k give or take a contract extension.

We regret not publicizing our decision before it was presented by others on social media.

They stole muh thunder! I was going to have a gender-reveal party for who ain’t my customer no more! Pink for Antifa or blue for cops!

It’s difficult in these times to balance the needs of a business and a community. Our entire employee group was engaged in this dialogue and we delved deep into our community to understand how we could best do our part to keep our customers safe and this city moving in the right direction.

This is a good time to mention that Armstrong moved away from Austin two years ago. He cared for the community so much that he removed himself from it!


Lance Armstrong rides out of Austin to live in artful Aspen mansion

htt ps://

By John Egan, 17 January 2019

Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong — at one time one of the most revered celebrities in Austin — has pulled up stakes and relocated with his family from the hills of Central Texas to the mountains of Colorado.

A new article in Architectural Digest reveals that the Plano native; his wife, Anna Hansen; and their children moved full time to Aspen sometime last year.

“With five kids, it’s just great to live on a street that has no cars on it, ever,” Armstrong tells Architectural Digest of his life in Aspen. “We can ride our bikes into town.”

Armstrong sold his Old Enfield mansion in June 2018 for nearly $6.9 million. Shortly after that, he forked over at least $1.28 million for a decidedly less spacious bungalow in Clarksville. It’s unclear whether Armstrong — who recently divulged that he hit the jackpot with an early investment in Uber — still owns the bungalow.

An early investor in Uber moved his family so they’d have a car-free street? My Deep State detector just pinged.

Highlights of the Aspen abode — in the skiing mecca’s exclusive West End — include a media room, a wine room, and a formal living room with nearly floor-to-ceiling windows.

Probably the most prominent aspect, though, is the pricey artwork scattered around the house. Architectural Digest reports that Armstrong’s art collection features pieces from American contemporary artists Ed Ruscha, Shepard Fairey, and Tom Sachs; Japanese contemporary artist Yoshitomo Nara; and anonymous English street artist Banksy.

Nice digs. Why am I suddenly suspicious that a disgraced athlete running a bicycle shop has enough money, and DIS-interest in motor vehicles, to become an early investor in Uber to the point of once again having tens of millions of dollars to play with?

*checks* huh. The Federal government settled its $100m lawsuit against Armstrong for $5m, which let him keep most of what he made while doping. Another ping from the Deep State detector.

Armstrong has a somewhat rocky history in Aspen.

Back in August 2018, the cyclist — stripped in 2012 of his seven Tour de France titles after admitting the use of performance-enhancing drugs — crashed while biking on a trail in the Aspen area. Later that month, Aspen cops responded to reports of a robber at his home.

Two years earlier, in 2016, Armstrong put up the Aspen home as collateral in injunction with a $10 million legal settlement he reached in 2015 with Dallas-based SCA Promotions Inc., a provider of insurance for promotions, contests, and games. The company took Armstrong to court to recover Tour de France bonuses it had paid him and to recoup financial damages.

And in 2015, Armstrong pleaded guilty to careless driving after crashing his SUV into two parked cars in Aspen. The wreck occurred in 2014. He was ordered to pay a $150 fine and nearly $240 in court costs.

Oh, so that’s why he wants to live on a street with no cars: he sees double when driving drunk.

Despite those incidents, Armstrong has chosen to permanently hang his cycling shoes in Aspen.

But while Armstrong may have abandoned Austin as his full-time residence, he still visits the Capital City. “I’m running the Austin marathon in February, which is kind of crazy,” he tells Architectural Digest.

Lance Armstrong cheats even on his protests. He’s using the business he left behind in Austin to signal virtue from his Aspen, Colorado Fortress of Solitude. First he hacked off the entire police department, now he’s leaving his employees with a ruined customer base in a city whose cops wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.

How are his Woke employees okay with this treatment from what they call a One Percenter? I like rich people (no poor man ever gave me a job) yet I’d be very upset at a multimillionaire boss angering the police in a city he no longer lives in but I do, with my work address on the announcement.

End segue.

These are certainly trying times and we understand people will object to any decision made along these lines.

“We’re doing our part to protect you from police whether you want us to or not.”

Businesses can no longer be non-participants in the communities they serve. We chose what we think will do the most to suture these divides and place our community on the right side of history. We have had to make these choices before when we felt companies whose products we sold put kids at schools at risk of violence.

A reference to Marxists bankrupting firearm manufacturers with endless litigation. Remington is looking shaky at the moment. I couldn’t find a reference of Armstrong participating in that, however.

We lost sales due to this choice. We also saw our former vendors later divest of holdings and we’ve returned to selling these products. We will live with the choices our customers make if they want to buy bikes and bike products somewhere else.

No, his employees will go on unemployment at taxpayer’s expense because getting Woke, going broke is not technically quitting one’s job.

Hmm, he mentioned the Boycott, Divest, Sanction movement.

We are committed to the city of Austin and the community of cyclists that we serve every day.

We are not anti-police. We do believe our local police force will protect us from the very threats we are receiving right now.

I’d mock this except Armstrong is already two States away from suffering the consequences of this.

We wish this entire community peace and progress and togetherness at the conclusion of these trying times. And we intend to be a part of the discourse, struggle, and growth for Austin, as we have since we opened our doors in 2008.


The hashtag is quite ironic, as Armstrong is doing what he can to ensure people don’t ride bikes any longer and not in safety if they do.

Austin PD should have known better than to do business with an infamous criminal.

Postscript, about the name of “Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop”:

Lance Armstrong’s Business Mocks Him Having Only 1 Testicle

While Lance Armstrong no longer competes in cycling, he’s still very connected to the sport through business. One of his multiple ventures is the Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop in Austin, which opened in 2008 and serves as a riders’ destination as well as a place for social gathering.

The name Mellow Johnny’s is a play on the French words “maillot jaune,” which means yellow jersey.

In the context of a lifetime ban from competitive sports, methinks somebody is being a bitter loser.

Inside Mellow Johnny’s, riders, downtown residents, and those visiting the downtown neighborhood can enjoy coffee, smoothies, snacks, or wine and beer, at Juan Pelota, the in-house cafe. Juan is a homophone for the word “one,” and pelota is the Spanish word for ball.

Whether you like him or despise him, Lance Armstrong overcame tremendous odds early in his life in beating cancer. Why he decided to take the path he did after staring down death, only Armstrong knows that answer and must live with that decision. The fact he’s managed to maintain a sense of humor after enduring a career-ending scandal and defeating a disease doctors thought would kill him, is impressive and a credit to his perseverance.

That’s not humor. That’s perversion. Sure, gonad jokes are good for a couple one-liners on the amateur comedy circuit, but actually serving people drinks from his “Juan Pelota” is vile.

Hiding in plain sight.


4 thoughts on “Lance Armstrong Cheats Even On His Protests

  1. “cancer research”

    Starve the body of sugar, while flooding the body with oxydants. Cultivate an alkaline environment in one’s body. We’ve had the cure since the 1930s. We are not interested in curing people however; the pursuit of the ever-elusive ‘cure’ is too big a business to give up.

    Just one of the globalist’s favorite grafts. Further support’s GQ’s intuition.


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