The Wu Flu Lockdown in Microcosm

Mogadishu Matt turned me on to advice column commentary once again.

Let it not be said that my friends are good influences upon me! This upcoming dingbat perfectly captures the sociosexual issues of the Made-In-Chinavirus Lockdown.

Exposure Worries Mother


“Ask Amy”, Page E4 of Dead Tree Edition, Los Angeles Slimes, 23 April 2020

Dear Amy: I have a 3-year-old son. His father and I separated when he was a baby but we have a good co-parenting relationship.

No, you don’t, Dingbat. Daddy is not, repeat not a fan of being half-removed from his child’s life. You don’t care about your son because he is only a meal ticket to ride the chilamony train… but Daddy cares enough to accept visitation in fear of no visitation.

The son is three and Daddy works. How is co-parenting is even a thing for these people? I assume Daddy has a caregiver lined up.

We’ve never had any problems with this arrangement. My son sees his father nearly every day.

I have an immune deficiency and mild asthma. 

We’ll assume this is true. On the one hand, it easily could be. On the other hand, it came immediately after her self-serving lies about her marriage-no-more.

Worrying about the COVID-19 pandemic, I do not want to leave my young son without a mother.

Relax, he’ll still have a father. One who is already trained to be a single parent. Who’s the breadwinner and who’s the expendable, sickly, ungrateful deadweight here?

Kids don’t need both parents anyway. Remember telling yourself that during the divorce, Dingbat?

I’m trying to take every precaution against contracting the virus, including using lots of hand sanitizer, and cleaning anything (like groceries) that comes into my house.

My ex has a robust immune system. He is not worried about the coronavirus. He is working and going out for groceries.

We have a breadwinner!

He is not using hand sanitizer or cleaning frequently touched surfaces. While he is physically distancing and washing his hands a bit more than usual, I don’t feel like this is enough, given my immune-compromised situation.

Methinks there’s a lot he does that does not meet with her approval. Exhibit ‘A’: their divorce.

If he gets the virus, he is likely to have mild symptoms or be asymptomatic. I’m afraid he will catch the virus and give it to my son, who will pass it to me. I’ve tried talking to him about this, but he is not receptive. What is your advice? -Worried Mom

That right there is a microcosm of the national temper. How do we force the strong and healthy to protect the old and sickly from what does not threaten the strong and healthy?

The correct answer is, you don’t. The health of the old or sickly is a problem for the old and/or sickly. Here, the man she wants involuntarily locked up is doing productive work (she is presumably not) and errands such as grocery shopping.

I have two pieces of advice for Dingbat. One, give up your son to his father’s exclusive custody for the duration of the lockdown. You get along, right? That means he’s a good, trustworthy father, right? Then trust him with Son in order to safeguard your health… from your son.

Number Two: prepare for Kung Flu! You are going to get it, whether from your husband or another source. The purpose of the lockdown is to prevent our hospitals from ever exceeding capacity… not to prevent you from ever getting sick at all. The lockdown WILL end and you WILL get sick then if not earlier. Sucks to be you.

If our hospitals get any more “not overwhelmed” then they’ll go out of business for lack of work.

Frankly, Dingbat, you needing a week’s stay in the Respiratory Ward would be good for the economy right now. Maybe a gastric bypass surgery while you’re catheterized? But I digress.

If I seem a bit cold-hearted then it’s because I need my gym to have a healthy, pain-free spine. You damned Karens took away what I need to be healthy and justified it by you not wanting to risk being unhealthy. If the worst that happens to you out of this debacle is Daddy getting full custody because you selfishly put your son away then you’re lucky. I already made the sacrifice of my health, now it’s your turn, you uncaring solipsistic dingbat.

For the record, the official response:

Dear Worried: Parents are supposed to have the capacity to forgo their immediate impulses for the sake of their children. The best way to prevent this illness is to avoid exposure. The best way for your son to have both parents in his life, long into the future…

Assuming he will still want to associate with a mother who considered him a disease vector…

…is to avoid exposure. You and your ex should connect with your son’s pediatrician — together, and immediately (though video conferencing) — to ask for a physician’s advice.

This was a very wordy “I don’t know”.

Your boy travels between parents nearly every day. One obvious idea would be for these visits to be temporarily stopped, or cut down — temporarily, for everyone’s safety (including his, of course).

That was my advice, except I said Daddy who still keeps society working should get custody. Who does Dear Amy think should get custody, and why? Place your bets!

By the way, kids don’t die from Chinavirus. They barely even get sick. His safety is not at risk here.

If your ex would agree to cut these visits to even three times a week, this would limit the number of possible exposures between households. You should also seriously discuss the reality and possibility of one parent (you or him) NOT having your son with you, perhaps for the next month, and then negotiating ways to make up the difference after the risk has passed.

Amy WANTS to says what I said, but she can’t bring herself to say it.

The CDC suggests that children over age 2 should wear a cloth face covering when in a “community setting.” When your son is delivered to you, you should wear a mask, he should put on a mask, and be taken directly to the bathroom for some healthy handwashing and to take his temperature. There are many examples online of cloth masks made for kids.

If you continue visits, don’t let him bring toys or books between households.

Daddy: “Hey, son, good to see you!”



And that’s how the government is treating us men, too. They took our jobs away. They took our exercise and friends away. They’re running the money printing presses so hot that they smell like Hell from the far side of the continent while not allowing us to shop in “unnecessary” stores for toys to play with.

Because our dickless micro-tyrants grown fat on our money love us that much.


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