Stick Your Adulting Up Your Trade School!

Shop class is dead because the Ivory Tower only wants to sell books.

UC Berkeley Students Create Their Own ‘Adulting’ Course

By Alana Mastrangelo, 28 Aug 2019

It’s a good first step, making a class that teaches them what they want to learn. The second step will be asking why they pay tuition for the privilege of teaching themselves.

Students at UC Berkeley have taken responsibility into their own hands by creating a course focused on being a grown-up. The course, entitled, “Adulting,” will focus on improving practical life skills, such as resume building, and completing tax returns.
A new course at UC Berkeley called “Adulting” — a millennial term referring to when someone behaves like an adult by performing mundane, yet necessary tasks — will help improve students’ life skills, by teaching them how to accomplish the tasks that they will likely encounter after they graduate college and are on their own.

Students are teaching themselves because professors don’t possess those skills. They’ve never written a resume–just stayed in college until granted tenure–and taxpaying is only for bourgeois capitalist pigs. But to their credit, they can totally teach you how to beg for money.

“The school system does not require a class for students to learn how to live in the real world and function as an adult,” reads the course description. “We often enter college unprepared to take care of ourselves.”

That’s right, folks, liberals are full of shit only because nobody taught them to change a diaper.

“Many life skills, including how to develop good habits, manage stress, pay taxes, budget our spending/income, and to live a healthy lifestyle, are necessary, especially when college is the bridge to adulthood,” continues the description. “This course will explore the many dimensions of how to successfully adult.”

It’s actually called Adult School and it’s been around for a long time. Really cheap, too, since it’s all REMEDIAL stuff. But now U of California students, ostensibly the state’s most promising young adults, are showing up without knowing how to…

budget… their… spending. Oh, that student debt bubble is totally coming into focus now. The Adulting Class graduation exercise must be demanding a refund from the bursar. “I paid you money and you abandoned me to teach myself, you frauds!”

The description reads as if it was written by students — because it was. The “Adulting” course is student-run, and will be taught by 20-year-old integrated biology student Belle Lau, and her friend Jenny Zhou, according to a report by SF Gate.

Let me guess: she’s running the class because she, personally, doesn’t know how to Adult. This predicts she’ll be relying on established, private-sector men to come in and teach her the alphabet, gratis, because forrrr the chilllldren!

“We realized the things we don’t learn in school are topics like taxes and just how to take care of yourself,” said Lau, who added that since she herself is not an expert in these topics, the course will rely on inviting outside professionals to come in and speak to the class.

BINGO! *victory lap*

“We don’t really know that much, so we’re all learning together,” said Lau. “We’re the middlemen trying to get professionals to talk about these topics to students.”

Good morning, class. I am a licensed, private-sector professional named Gunner Q. I was brought here to teach you how to be functional adults because your regular professors cannot and are not. That means you already wasted one semester of tuition but you wasting your life is not my problem. Not anybody’s problem except yours. That should be your primary motivation in life, to do what’s best for you rather than suffering uselessly for some Elitist’s utopian vision. I am only here because my ultra-right-wing-super-racist-Christo-supremacist blog needs material, and because laughter is healthy. My co-teacher from Lyft is only here because several of you will need a ride home after class.

All women, stand up. Thank you. What you need to do is get thin, learn to cook, marry the men in this room and trust them to teach you everything you need to know forevermore. No back-talk. No man will ever love you for having a dissenting opinion. Now leave. We gots man-business to discuss and you are not men.

All non-binaries, stand up. Thank you and go to Hell. You don’t want to be functional members of society so you have no business being here, and because I’m not paid with your tuition money you literally have no business being here. Now leave. We gots man-business to discuss and you are not men.

Young men of California. Did you see what security did just now? They told the bitches No and made it stick. You do the same. That’s the wife-management module. Let’s move on to automotive maintenance… question?… that’s a stupid question. You need something to put on a resume before you worry about making a resume.

The report added that one guest speaker included a recruiter from the ride-sharing company Lyft, who came in to discuss resume building.

Another speaker was an economics professor, who advised students on how they can save 50 percent of the money they earn.

Switching to Geico could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance!

“The number one thing that everyone struggles with is taxes,” said Lau, who invited her mother to speak on the topic, as she is an accountant.

Mommy accountant is a parental failure. Probably a wifey failure, too.

Lau had also hoped to include a session on changing the oil in one’s own car, but the university’s administration reportedly said there wouldn’t be enough academic reading on the subject, which would make the topic more appropriate for a social club on campus, instead.

The Grease Monkey Club? Sounds like a civil rights lawsuit waiting to happen. Society for Polluting Devices? Can’t get funding. People for the Ethical Treatment of Internal Combustion Engines? Winner!

Nonetheless, students appear to be taking an interest in the concept of the course, as its debut spring semester has reportedly received 100 applicants, despite only having just 30 available seats.


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