Save Your Mullet, Save Your Marriage

When a wife gives her husband an ultimatum before she’s even his wife, there is only one correct response:

I'll miss you.. NOT | Funnies | Pinterest | Memes

Which brings us to the tragic pre-tale of PGA golfer Rickie Fowler’s mullet.

Rickie Fowler’s Mullet Haircut Is PGA Championship MVP ...

Not even that impressive yet.

Rickie Fowler’s Mullet Haircut Is Real MVP of PGA Championship

htt ps://heavy.com/sports/2019/05/rickie-fowler-mullet-haircut-why-jarrod-lyle/

Rickie Fowler has a long way to go to catch Brooks Koepka at the PGA Championship, but his mullet haircut has already won the week. Fowler is proudly rocking the mullet at Bethpage, but it is more than just a weird fashion statement. Fowler and fellow golfer Jason Dufner have implemented “Mullet May” and its all for a great cause, per Golf Channel’s Cara Banks.

“@RickieFowler confirms on @GolfCentral the long flow has been for “Mullet May” a new idea he & @JasonDufner decided to adopt to raise awareness for their respective foundations – Fowler’s will now focus more on leukaemia due to his close friendship with Jarrod Lyle,” Banks tweeted.

Lyle is a former PGA golfer who tragically passed away on August 8, 2018. He had been fighting leukemia for nearly 20 years as PGATour.com detailed:

“For more than half of his life, Lyle dealt with and fought the disease that begins in the bone marrow cells and spreads through blood. The battle, which lasted nearly 20 years, into adulthood and for a good part of his professional golf career, ended with his death Wednesday at 8:20 p.m. local time at his home in Melbourne, surrounded by his wife and daughters.

“Lyle was 36, and while doctors said he was cancer-free, his body had been ravaged by years of medication and just last week he chose to end treatments and leave the hospital.”

Australian golfer Jarrod Lyle passed away on Wednesday evening surrounded by family and friends

Lyle. Age 36 and fighting leukemia for twenty years, that’s harsh.

During the PGA Championship, Fowler reflected on his relationship with Lyle.

“It’s been fun to be thinking about him while we’re out there playing because he would probably be the one to kind of kick you in the butt if you started feeling sad or bad,” Fowler told Golf.com. “He would kind of give you a hard time and tell to you man up or something along those lines. It’s been enjoyable celebrating his life, and we’ll continue to do that.”

Alas, his intended was not amused:

Rickie Fowler’s Future Wife, Allison Stokke, Wants Mullet Cut for Wedding

htt ps://heavy.com/sports/2019/07/rickie-fowler-wife-mullet-girlfriend-allison-stokke/

Rickie Fowler Wife

Soon-to-be-ux-&-ex Allison on the left, with serious mullet-envy. I did some research on Fowler’s mullet (can’t believe I just wrote that) and she must know that Fowler has a history of looking Like That. Per https://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/02/rickie-fowler-haircut

Melina Vastola/USA TODAY Sports

Fowler in 2012. He looks good.

JD Mercer/USA TODAY

2013 was apparently his first mullet attempt. He needs that facial hair back.

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

2014 and he’s lost his mojo. Fowler is one of those few men who look MORE masculine with a mullet. And being a golfer helps shed the stigma. “I’m not trailer trash, I’m PGA.”

His fiance doesn’t want him getting his mojo mullet back?

Rickie Fowler is sporting a mullet for a good cause, but his longtime girlfriend, Allison Stokke, wants the golfer to cut his hair before their wedding. Fowler and Stokke are planning an October wedding and the golfer plans to have a new haircut when his future wife walks down the aisle, per The Telegraph.

*SHIT TEST ALERT*

*SHIT TEST ALERT*

*THIS IS NOT A DRILL*

“I’m going to miss it when it’s gone, but it can’t say forever,” Fowler told The Telegraph. “I don’t see it as a possible hairdo for the wedding in October. We’ll have it off by then.”

Wedding fail.

As for the mullet, it is a nod to Fowler’s late friend Jarrod Lyle as the golfer aims to raise awareness for leukemia. What started as “Mullet May” has now gone well into the summer.

Fowler is mourning his friend and doing some promotion for leukemia research, and getting his style back in the process, and Allison wants none of that the moment she’s in the picture. A very bad indicator of marital happiness.

The couple got engaged in June of 2018 and are now planning an October wedding. Fowler announced the news on “National Best Friend Day” back on June 8, 2018.

“Today is National Best Friend Day so I wanted to lock mine down…I WON!!” Fowler posted on Instagram.

It’s like a train wreck you see coming but can’t stop.

Earlier this year, Fowler gave Stokke a shoutout on her 30th birthday.

“Welcome to 30 @allisonstokke! I love you and I couldn’t be happier to be the one occupying the seat across from you…I’m glad we get to do life together! Happy birthday!! I win!!” Fowler noted on Instagram.

[Allison] Stokke is a former college pole vaulter and frequently posts fitness videos.

Attention whore confirmed, baby rabies possible. How insecure does a female need to be, to be intimidated by a six-inch mullet?

 

12 thoughts on “Save Your Mullet, Save Your Marriage

  1. Agree…he looks more masculine with more hair and some facial hair.

    Why women want men to be less masculine….those guys are easier to control.

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  2. A woman who loves the wedding day. I’ll assume she thinks less of the actual marriage.
    I can’t think of a single thing any of my churchian leaders would be troubled by in regards to the gf demanding a haircut or hitting 30. So crucial to get marriage advice right for the building up of godly families and we are actually worse than the world at it.

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  3. GQ, surprised you haven’t done an analysis on the broad. She has slim facial features, yet man-shoulders and not exactly baby-making hips:

    With the right attire, angle and lighting, she can build out her feminine traits, but these will ebb with time as muscle definition fades and fat permeates the bone structure. Being trim and with slender face will likely give her longevity, surely.

    Hers is the tale of a youth wasted in academia-athletics, prime child-bearing years spent on a budding career. She is fast-approaching the wall, and ‘settling’ for a prime PGA golfer who is not physically terribly masculine. The grooming demands, as you indicate, are the tell-tale sign of a woman with apex fallacy, herself well on the decline. Delusion be damned.

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  4. “GQ, surprised you haven’t done an analysis on the broad. She has slim facial features, yet man-shoulders and not exactly baby-making hips:”

    She’s even throwing the cat in that pic. Her body has obviously been masculinized by competitive sports. I first wondered if she’d even been using steroids; the deltoid muscles are hard to grow naturally yet respond very well to chemical assistance. But a pole vaulter works the delts heavily and she isn’t pot-bellied, another steroid giveaway in females.

    Her eyebrows are mostly horizontal, indicating rational thinking over emotional. Consistent with lifelong participation in an organized, non-team sport. Her jaw is only slightly masculinized and she does have noticeable breasts, so I don’t think she was pushed into the feminist life plan early on.

    The upturned nose is impetuous.

    I suspect she had a normal girlhood then went to college because it “was the thing to do”, and sidetracked from motherhood to sports with only nominal interest in academics. Some people respond to being challenged. I wonder if her father had angled eyebrows, indicating a conflict-seeking personality, and she enjoyed being challenged by Daddy until she left for college.

    Allison could have been a real winner of a wife, with a feminine body and disciplined mind. It’s in keeping with my analysis that she’s challenging her fiance with the mullet ultimatum. If he learns to swat shit tests and hold frame then that plus his high reputation can make a marriage work, if anybody can tame a 30s-aged wimmin, and her lower eyelid appears concave so she isn’t past the slut event horizon. She’d probably even get hot for him in bed if he provides a “worthy challenge” but honoring his friend’s memory is a negative indicator of outcome independence.

    Let’s see how I did. Per Wikipedia:

    Born to Allan and Cindy Stokke in Newport Beach, California, Stokke grew up in a sporting family – her older brother David was a national level youth gymnast. After trying gymnastics, she took up pole vaulting while attending Newport Harbor High School and soon became one of the country’s best young vaulters. She won the age 15/16 United States title in 2004 with a championship record of 3.81 m (12 ft 6 in).

    …Her vaults were also the best ever achieved by an American aged fifteen and sixteen. Despite breaking her leg while in high school, she managed to win twice at the CIF California State Meet.

    Images of Stokke competing in New York in early 2007 were taken by a journalist for a Californian track and field website and placed online. In May, the image was then re-posted by With Leather, a sports blog with a large male fanbase, remarking on the attractiveness of seventeen-year-old Stokke under the heading “Pole Vaulting is Sexy, Barely Legal”. …The article had already received significant attention and been posted at dozens of other websites. A tribute website to Stokke soon emerged with several images of her competing in the pole vault and, after these images spread via social media, internet fan groups attracted thousands of followers. Within several weeks, her photos had become such an internet phenomenon that they generated comment pieces nationally from The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times and The New York Times, and internationally from British broadcaster the BBC, Australian daily The Sydney Morning Herald, and the German weekly Der Spiegel, in addition to more than one million search engine results. CBS also gave television coverage, using her story to highlight the dangers of the internet being used to publicly sexualize young people.

    I look into that, thinking it could be post-worthy, but not really. We know what’s going on, of course. She was a pretty girl that men could drool over yet justify it with “check her out, she’s a… top athlete!”.

    Stokke initially tried to control the situation herself, but after being bombarded with emails and requests for photo shoots, she sought a media consultant to handle her new-found fame. She gave an interview on pole vaulting technique which was uploaded to YouTube, and it received over one hundred thousand views, but comments and discussion on the internet largely remained in relation to her looks. Her father, a lawyer by trade, began to review online material to identify illegal behaviour or stalkers. Reflecting on her situation, Stokke told The Washington Post “even if none of it is illegal, it just all feels really demeaning. I worked so hard for pole vaulting and all this other stuff, and it’s almost like that doesn’t matter. Nobody sees that. Nobody really sees me.”

    Her father doesn’t quite have angled eyebrows; they’re rounded yet flat; but he’s a criminal lawyer of some kind so no stranger to conflict. It’s a telling personality trait that competing was more important to her than popularity.

    Yep, Allison grew up in a normal home with a dominant father and athletic older brother, and had the personality to see them as challenges to measure up to. Fowler need to be dominant and forceful like her father was, methinks, and partly because Mr. Stokke himself might shit-test him.

    Fowler isn’t gonna make it. Allison had her pick of husbands, even more than most young women, and she chose a second-tier golfer?

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  5. It’s a taste and age issue probably, but I find that picture of her gross. That’s at her peak beauty period too. Again, not one man in church would understand that. How can it be that in such a short time, Christian men have become either dishonest about what is attractive or have changed their minds (and actually like her looks)?
    If Christians aren’t going to prohibit women from disfiguring themselves from the athletic-academic arena, then couldn’t we at least discourage it? Apparently, no we can’t.
    3 commenters here, so maybe a 1,000 total in the US wouldn’t like her looks?

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  6. “I worked so hard for pole vaulting and all this other stuff, and it’s almost like that doesn’t matter. Nobody sees that. Nobody really sees me.”

    Feminism 101. She’s absolutely right: it doesn’t matter. How well can she lay her husband? How well can she raise his children? How well can she keep his home? How loyal can she be in all of it?
    When will women learn that any- and every-thing they perform outside of childbearing is a ‘that’s nice, dear’ to men?

    “Allison had her pick of husbands, even more than most young women, and she chose a second-tier golfer?”

    I don’t know her dating history, but I’d reckon she never had her eye out for suitors. She was focused on herself and never developed courting traits (beautification, flirting, ..). The modeling she has done is only ever in female active-wear, even if it includes beachwear and yoga ensembles. I can’t find a shot with her in anything decisively feminine (dresses, lingerie, ..).
    I’d reckon she never really had her pick of husbands, because she never considered the concept. A tomboy who was encouraged to never grow out of that phase and into a woman. Now at The Wall, she’s getting married because- like track and field- it’s the ‘thing to do’ for her. She’s not *happy* and externalizes this with hen-pecking.

    Ricky ain’t no slouch golfer. #1 ranked amateur for 3 years, peaked at #4 in the PGA, 9 Tour wins. Net worth of 25M and growing with some future sponsorships on the horizon. He’s well within the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of providers in the US.
    Thing is, he’s not exactly a physical specimen and that’s gotta weigh on a woman with apex fallacy. He’s 5’9 with no build on him, and a babyface.

    She feels like she’s settling, when the reality is he could be scoring his pick of the litter of sorority seniors across 10 different state schools.

    Shoulda kept the mullet (you’re right, it makes him more manly- both in male aura and presentation). He’s in the driver seat, voluntarily surrendering to her the keys.

    “If Christians aren’t going to prohibit women from disfiguring themselves from the athletic-academic arena, then couldn’t we at least discourage it? ”

    The most guilty party in all of this are the Christian fathers of young Christian women. They turn a blind eye to Disney indoctrination of his ‘princess’ when she is a toddler, encourages her focusing on grades in school, and then supports her 4-year slutfest in college. How does a female escape such brainwashing when her whole life has been void of accountability?
    It ends when the fathers pull the financial pipeline and institute discipline back into childhood.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Reminds me of that movie Mortdecai, where the Gwyneth Paltrow character insisted the Johnny Depp character lose the moustache before she’d kiss him. At the end he agrees, because he truly luuurves her… and she turns around and says no, it’d ok as it is, the mo can stay. True love, you see.
    Except in real life we all know its just a massive shit test, and if Fowler gives in he’s lost for all time.

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  8. Welcome, Hans!

    “It’s a taste and age issue probably, but I find that picture of her gross. That’s at her peak beauty period too.”

    She has nice hair but that’s it. I need breasts to be impressed… don’t ever want to feel like I’m hugging a man. Comes from living in Commiefornia.

    “Ricky ain’t no slouch golfer. #1 ranked amateur for 3 years, peaked at #4 in the PGA, 9 Tour wins. Net worth of 25M and growing with some future sponsorships on the horizon.”

    Whoa, that IS impressive. My golf knowledge is clearly outdated.

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  9. GQ,
    Interesting comment about ta-tas. It makes wonder about how much a nice pair can overcome for your tastes. For example, in the above case, could it negate the man shoulders and upper body? That’s an OT question and personal, but I am curious.
    I danced or hugged a slim woman once that had a stunningly hard body. I was really turned-off and shocked by it (still am) – very much like touching a man, but other thin girls haven’t felt manly to me.
    IKR, I thought Fowler would’ve had a higher net worth, I am a bit surprised by that. Thank you for looking up those facts.
    Dad’s are definitely a problem and they seem difficult to budge. Even the home schooler Dads love high-grade kick-ass daughters.

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  10. ‘ I found this singular picture with her in feminine clothing for an obvious shoot:’

    In any case, she looks much better in feminine clothing than the athletic apparel. Even her hair covers the pole vault shoulders.

    Despite what reaction you get…you should always encourage a woman to go more feminine with her look and dress if they ask. At the very least you show them you are masculine and masculine men like feminine women.

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  11. “For example, in the above case, could it negate the man shoulders and upper body? That’s an OT question and personal, but I am curious.”

    I think it would negate the muscles because breasts are uniquely female but honestly, I haven’t hugged any young woman to know. Ever. The entire female sex played the Madonna act with me so well that if a girl showed interest in me today, I would literally not know how to react because it’s never happened before. My knowledge of women is 100% academic.

    I’m not ugly, scrawny or short. They’re polite enough that I know I’m not creepy. Per the Red Pill, my problem is being neither dominant Alpha Fux nor submissive Beta Bux. Puts me in sexual nowhere land. I would never have figured that out on my own but it makes sense.

    Like

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