NASA’s Wardrobe Malfunction

Women, why do you need so many clothes? Why do you keep changing them? Do hormones really make you that bloated every month? Do fad diets make your weight yo-yo? I have utterly no interest in the answer but am asking for a friend, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

NASA nixes 1st all-female spacewalk due to suit-sizing issue

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) — NASA has nixed the first all-female spacewalk over a spacesuit sizing issue.

Astronaut Anne McClain was supposed to float out of the International Space Station this Friday with newly arrived Christina Koch, to replace old batteries. But McClain pulled herself from the lineup because there’s not enough time to get two medium suits ready for them. Koch will go out with a male crewmate, Nick Hague.

NASA spokeswoman Brandi Dean said Tuesday that McClain trained before flight in both medium and large spacesuits. She wore a medium when she went out on her first spacewalk last Friday and was supposed to switch to a large this week. But after last week’s spacewalk, she decided that a large would be too big.

I’m too fat! Make it bigger! Oops, changed my mind. It makes my butt look too big for posterior. Posterity, I mean.

It would have taken 12 hours to get another medium spacesuit ready and potentially compromised safety, according to Dean. These spacewalks are months late, and with cargo deliveries coming up, NASA wants to keep everything on track.

Honey, we’re running late! Just put on whatever fits and let’s go!

*dirty look from wife*

In 54 years of spacewalking, women have only gone outside with men. That’s because men have always outnumbered women in space. As women continue to make up a greater percentage of the astronaut corps, more gender records will be set and not just in spacewalking, Dean noted.

It’s not a record when you achieve it by being something instead of doing something. Welcome to Man’s World, Barbie.

McClain, Koch and Hague are part of NASA’s Astronaut Class of 2013, the only time there have been the same number of women accepted as men. NASA chose four women and four men that year.

Is that because NASA suddenly noticed how awesome women were, because their funding requires gender integration or because they wanted to control hypergamy in sexy women by trapping them where only nerds are available for mating? *checks* Anne is fugly so not the latter. Wardrobe malfunction means not the former.

Koch and Hague will continue the battery-swapping work that McClain and Hague began last Friday outside the space station. Old nickel-hydrogen batteries in the solar power grid are being replaced with new, powerful lithium-ion batteries.

NiMH batteries are proven reliable. LiPo batteries, not so much. I hope they know what they’re doing… but thanks for buying the hardware off the shelf instead of spending seven digits reinventing the Baghdad Battery. The money saved will buy SOMEBODY a space blouse.

McClain will get another shot at spacewalking April 8 when she ventures outside with Canadian astronaut David Saint-Jacques. There are six U.S. spacesuit tops on the station — or hard upper torsos, as NASA calls them — with two considered spares. Both Hague and Saint-Jacques take large.

Six suits and nothing to wear? Tell me that’s not a female problem. And comment of the week from the article’s comments, hat tip sickofitall:

yes but when is the gay Muslim gender fluid transvestite going to walk?



4 thoughts on “NASA’s Wardrobe Malfunction

  1. Feminizing the space program will lead to NASA’s implosion, just like it’s leading to the implosion of every other institution today (see the U.S. armed forces for Prime Example). The cynic in me wants to say that it will be fun to watch, except that it’s going to get a whole lot of MEN killed. The Challenger explosion will be a recurring event in the future.


  2. It’s not a record when you achieve it by being something instead of doing something. Welcome to Man’s World, Barbie.

    That is how it is in man’s world…but in women’s world it is being and not doing. Hence they think they are an astronaut by wearing the suit and LARPing as opposed to actually doing the dangerous work of space travel. They should stick to what risk fits them best…birthing children.

    I’ll bet you the wardrobe malfunction is more of an excuse to get out of doing something rather than being a size issue.


  3. Pingback: First Lesbian Divorce In SPAAAACE! | Gunner Q

  4. Pingback: The Christian Problem with Christian Women in STEM | Gunner Q

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