Tracking the blizzard of news Cali laws that have been enacted is so difficult, I decided to experiment with reviewing them by author than subject. Assemblymember Shirley Weber quickly popped up on the radar for her colossal, facepalm-worthy ignorance of both #MeToo and human sexuality. Ten of her bills were signed into law. Let’s do a Top Ten Countdown!
10. AB 1215: Mental Health Services Act. This bill would require a county mental health program applying for state funding under the Mental Health Services Act to consider research of the brain and its physical and biochemical processes that may have broad applications for treating mental illness.
Doctor Psychiatrist, that crazy guy you’re examining? He might, you know, have something wrong with his brain, yes? You should look at his brain. In fact, state law requires you to consider thinking about the possibility that his neurochemistry is at fault for his eating his victims’ livers. I’m telling you, you so-called expert, the problem for his behavior is his brain! Why are you looking at me like that?
What this law actually requires is mental health workers to make use of something called Cal-BRAIN, a U of California pet project. It’s apparently being underutilized by people who work for a living.
9. AB 1894: College Student Hunger Relief. This legislation builds upon previous legislation AB 1747 (2016) and AB 214 (2017) by Assemblymember Weber to address the growing crisis of hunger among California’s college students. This bill would allow greater access to the CalFresh food assistance program on college campuses.
Maybe college students wouldn’t be malnourished if they ate real food instead of soyburgers and street tacos and vegan WTF. If money is the problem then maybe the State could lower tuition?
8. AB 2133: Access to State Summary Criminal History Records. AB 2133 authorizes an attorney who is representing an individual accused of a criminal offense to access California’s Criminal Justice History Information database to obtain clients’ information on prior offenses.
Why is this bill needed? “I want you to represent me but don’t ask any questions about my criminal history. I’m not in the mood.”
7. AB 2172: Census 2020 Facilitation. Will require the California Department of Corrections to provide the Citizens Redistricting Commission information on last known address of inmates, their race/ethnicity and the facility where they are incarcerated.
You can’t properly gerrymander ethnic neighborhoods without info like this.
6. AB 2289: Student Parental Leave. This bill establishes the right for a pregnant or parenting K-12 student to take eight weeks of parental leave, and requires schools to provide excused absences for students to take care of a sick child.
It takes a lot of sex-ed for kindergartners to get pregnant. This bill was a huge risk for Weber; she’s sponsored by Planned Parenthood.
5. AB 2458: Parcel Tax Exemption Transparency for Seniors & Disabled Homeowners. This bill creates a simple uniform process that will allow seniors and persons with disabilities to more easily find information on applying for a parcel tax exemption.
I despise this kind of Saul Alinskyism. First the libturds create welfare safety nets “just in case” then they tell the world so as many people sign up as possible in order to crash the system.
4. AB 2601: Sex Education in Charter Schools. This bill extends to charter schools the requirements of previous legislation, AB 329 (Weber, 2015), requiring school districts to ensure that all students in grades 7 to 12 receive updated and comprehensive healthy relationship, sexual health and sexually transmitted infection (STI) prevention education.
*GQ looks at #6 above* Teach the kids how not to screw
up then prohibit any punishment if they do? Frigging care-based morality!
3. AB 2657: Student Restraint and Seclusion in Schools. Prohibits the use of restraint or seclusion on any student except when behavior poses a clear and present danger to the student or others. It also prohibits using for the purpose of coercion, discipline, convenience or retaliation, and requires data collection and reporting on the use of restraint and seclusion to the California Department of Education.
Don’t discipline the kids until they go on murder sprees. Remember to act shocked!
2. AB 2988: Evidence Retention: AB 2988 provides that court exhibits containing biological material are retained exclusively in the control of the courts so that evidence remains available for post-conviction testing.
Because DNA tests are best when properly aged, like venison. Pro-tip: don’t use the breakroom refrigerator at the courthouse.
Aaaand *drum roll*:
1. AB 2550: Dignity for Incarcerated Women. AB 2550 seeks to improve the treatment of women who are incarcerated and reduce potential for trauma by implementing policies that enforce gender specific practices.
California Law to Ban Male Guard Pat-Downs of Female Inmates
Male prison guards in California will be prohibited from pat-down searching of incarcerated women and viewing them while they are not fully dressed under a new law signed by Gov. Jerry Brown.
By SOPHIA BOLLAG, Associated Press, 18 Aug 2018
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Male prison guards in California will be prohibited from pat-down searching of incarcerated women and viewing them while they are not fully dressed under a new law signed by Gov. Jerry Brown. …
The measure, AB2550, bans male guards from entering areas such as bathrooms where women are undressed. The bill authored by San Diego Democratic Assemblywoman Shirley Weber contains exceptions for emergencies when female guards aren’t available. It also permits male guards to pat down search female inmates at risk of escaping or harming themselves or others when a female officer is not available.
In the age of #MeToo, any male guard who was already doing this is a complete and total fool. Um, is it possible to have an inmate who is NOT an escape risk? “You look escape-ish today. Bend over!” *snaps on latex glove*
The California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation will have to adjust its policies to comply with a requirement in the law that requires reporting when male officers pat down search incarcerated women or enter prohibited areas, department spokeswoman Vicky Waters said. But for the most part, the new law codifies the department’s existing practices, Waters said.
Translation, we’re already trying to use female jailers for female inmates but women don’t want to work labor-intensive shifts in geographically isolated concrete warehouses. Women only sign up for high-status, social work like department spokeswoman. Like me!
Oh, to be on the all-male SWAT team inevitably tasked with retaking Playbunny State Prison. You know the crazy chicks give the best head!
Assemblywoman Shirley Weber neither knows nor cares how the real world functions. She only wants to care about babies and wimminz while simultaneously hating and fearing male strength.
Postscript, continuing the US News article:
Reality TV star Kim Kardashian West elevated the bill’s profile by tweeting her support for it in July, using the hashtag #DignityForIncarceratedWomen. The celebrity has drawn headlines recently for her advocacy on criminal justice issues.
In preparation for her imminent trip to rehab, no doubt.
Earlier this year, Kardashian West successfully lobbied President Donald Trump to commute the sentence of a 63-year-old woman serving a life sentence for drug offenses. The woman, Alice Marie Johnson, served more than 20 years in federal prison after she was convicted in 1996 on eight criminal counts related to a Memphis, Tennessee-based cocaine trafficking operation.
Wild guess here: Kim Kardashian’s favorite hobby is snowballs.