Doggy Potgate

I covered Alison Ettel aka Permit Patty’s enthusiasm for giving cannabis to pets. Recap:

In a 2015 article headlined ‘Pot for your pup? Startups cash in on cannabis trend,’ the safety and appropriateness of dosing dogs and cats with cannabis was examined in light of the pot shops for pets popping up. In the piece, Ettel said her policy is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.”

The article described using marijuana as a medicine for dogs as “controversial” and said the practice “has drawn criticism from everyone from the ASPCA to the Food and Drug Administration to the American Veterinary Medical Association.”

And now, the science is settled:

More dogs being poisoned by marijuana, vets say

Animal poison control centers report a ‘significant increase in the number of calls’ related to pets and marijuana

When Dr. Jen Gunter returned home from the grocery store she knew something was wrong with her normally boisterous 3-year-old Labrador retriever, Hazel.

“She was on the couch. Her head was hanging over and she couldn’t lift herself up,” Gunter, a gynecologist in Marin County, California, told NBC News. “I got out the tennis ball, which she ignored. Normally, you get out the tennis ball and she is just all over it.”

Hazel began shuddering when touched and couldn’t hold herself up or keep her eyes open. Then she lost control of her bladder.

“I thought ‘Oh my god, my dog is dying from poison or she had a stroke,’” Gunter recalled.

Staff at the emergency veterinarian clinic immediately knew what was wrong.

“The nurse came over and said, ‘This looks like this could be marijuana poisoning; we see that all the time,’” Gunter said.

A urine toxicology text confirmed it: Hazel had THC in her system. Gutner suspects her dog accidentally ate an edible or a joint when on a run earlier that day.

Does this count as a First-World problem? Does Hazel now have a probation officer? Regardless, if this is what THC does to dogs then Permit Patty’s former enthusiasm for “pet cannabis” is animal abuse. *Settles in to watch animals rights activists take on the Pot Lobby*

*still waiting…*

Calls to the Veterinary Services Poison Helpline about accidental marijuana ingestion in pets has surged 448 percent over the past six years, according to a statement provided by the American Veterinarian Medical Association.

If we legalized weed to stop its abuse then it’s totally not working. Even our pets are getting stoned. Next, it’ll be dumped in the water and fish will get the munchies. Hmm… you don’t suppose… *checks* CRIKEY! Do these people not have real jobs?


Scientists in Lebanon decided to get penned fish high to see if it would help lower some of that anxiety, kind of the way some stoners smoke a bowl in order to unwind from a crazy week. They fed tilapia either soy, hemp or cannabis oil for eight weeks to see if supplementing their food with weed had any effects. Afterwards, scientists measured the fish’s vitals, how well they grew, and how many survived their cramped pens.

At the end of the study, the fish were not any healthier (and as stressed as ever, it appears), according to the data.

Related: How crayfish helps Czech beer taste so good

“Scientists in Lebanon” = “two goat-humping summer interns”? Please? This is what optimism looks like in Current Year.

No, the Czech connection between crayfish and beer is not investigative journalism either.

Getting tilapia high in the name of science may seem silly, but fish welfare is a big issue for farmers as unhappy fish turn into sick fish, which ultimately leads to fewer sales. A study in salmon from last year revealed that the sushi staple can actually be depressed, reported. Researchers in Denmark and the Netherlands looked at the differences between healthy and sick salmon found in farms. They noticed that some of the fish kept to themselves, stayed near the edge of their cages and seemed unexcited about food: all signs of depression. So, they tested cortisol levels in the sea creatures and found that they did in fact have elevated levels of the stress hormone, which is also linked to depression in people. Cramped environments and aggression from other fish are believed to cause the mood disorder, according to

Since this discovery, researchers have been working on creating the fish version of Zoloft.

When they said no bullying in schools, they meant the fish hatchery?

At least nobody can accuse humans of speciesism. We treat our animals as badly as ourselves. Here, lizard, have a roach!


WHAT THE DUCK, people! A bong for a bearded dragon?


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